People Genuinely Care What I Think About the Saturn Awards

[doubleshiny]

I forgot all about the Saturn Awards until this morning, and I wasn't in the mood to make myself apoplectic with rage, so I waited until now to tell you all what the outcome SHOULD have been. I hope you appreciate this new 'temperate' DS. I have taken the liberty of holding my own awards - the name had to be a planet, and I had various problems with this, as all the good planets already have things associated with them, eg Mars, Pluto and the like. Uranus is very unpopular, given that it sounds rude. I think you readers are strong enough to deal with this without giggling



Best Science Fiction Film
Saturn Awards - Iron Man
Uranus Awards - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Theme park ride version)

I haven't actually seen any of the films nominated (despite that fact, I still don't think that Indian Jones can be classed as Science Fiction, seeing as there's no real science in it, and Indiana Jones is a real person.) However, I did go on the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland, and it was really good. It was 'thrilling', 'high octane' and 'popular', all good reasons to let it win a Uri.

Best Action/Adventure/Thriller Film
Saturn Awards - The Dark Knight
Uranus Awards - The Dark Knight during Comic Con week

I think this cateogory is a little unfair, there's a lot jammed in there, and also there's a film in which someone young and pretty starred, who then died. What they should do is melt down a thousand golden tears and make them into one special award, give that to Heath Ledger and then eliminate him/The Dark Knight from all other categories. It was good, but without Ledger it wasn't very interesting. It takes home the Uri because I saw it the week after Comic Con and I got quite excited by all the boys wearing nurse's dresses. This being the case, it may have beaten Quantum Of Solace unfairly, so I have added an addendum.

Best Network Television Series
Saturn Awards - Lost
Uranus Awards - All of the others

The Saturn Awards have purposely tried to piss me off by picking the only show I don't watch, or that doesn't have a lead actor that I perv over. Okay so Life On Mars is the crap American one, but if that had won it would have hilarious because it's so bad.

Best Supporting Actor
Saturn Awards - Adrian Pasdar
Uranus - Adrian Pasdar times a MILLION

Adrian Pasdar has the Best Ass on Television and there should be an award for that, but there isn't, so this will have to do. He kicked the less-good asses of everyone in this category - Thomas Dekker, you can smoke and take your clothes off on video all you want, but in an ass/acting contest with Pasdar you would emerge a broken man. Cusick, Emerson and Holloway - LOST IS THE OPERATIVE WORD because The Pas Man caned you good and proper bitches. Ventimiglia - how you got a damn nomination in the first place is beyond even me - this means that people think you're a better actor than Jack Coleman or Zachary Quinto. Let's just sit and think about that for a while.

Next year's Uranus Awards will have the following categories...

Best Ass On Television
Least Convincing Kiss
Best Ill-Advised Viral Video
Best 'Don't Cancel My Show' begging video
Most Vacuous Celebrity Tweeter

Get your votes in now!