doubleshiny (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
doubleshiny) wrote2008-09-05 10:26 am
doubleshiny) wrote2008-09-05 10:26 am
Entry tags:
Phones, Palin, Biden and Abject Horror
I like the Writer's Block idea of writing a haiku about how your day's going. Here's mine...
My phone will not ring
I called communications
No-one will fix it
Sarah Palin has given her big speech and I just wanted to document how frightened I am of her. If the Republicans wanted to counter the feelgood-green-hope message of Obama's camp then they've certainly done it with this terrifying vicious nutjob who makes me want to actually abandon all hope and pack up for a new life on one of Jupiter's more hostile moons.
Her website paints her as some kind of cyborg, armed to the teeth and married to a dog sledder. It has a great stand-alone sentence in her bio "She also runs marathons". It sounds like a vague threat - if you run from Palin you're going to have to make it for 26 miles at least before she leaps onto your back and rips your throat out with her teeth. She's a 'lifetime' member of the NRA, in case there was any suggestion that anything other than the cold embrace of the grave would remove the firearm from her holster.
Her children's names are even slightly nuts, they sound like they've been named after huskies - Track, Trig, Bristol, Piper and Willow. Someone should tell her that Bristol is English slang for tit. Bristol is the one that's been knocked up outside of Mrs Palin's beloved Christian wedlock. She was quick enough to parade the poor girl and her doomed boyfriend in front of the press and announce that they will be getting married immediately - don't forget son, mom's got an NRA membership, so the shotgun wedding won't just be a figure of speech.
She merrily accepts the nickname Sarah Barracuda. In case you didn't know, the barracuda's chief characteristics are powerful jaws (check, she looks like the lovechild of Bruce Campbell and a bear trap), and a voracious killer instinct (check, just look at those cold dead eyes and you can see that if you were stranded in the icy wilderness of Alaska she wouldn't wait til you were dead before cooking your carcass for sustenance). She is a former beauty queen, apparently named Miss Congeniality but to believe that you would have to conclude that the other competitors were in fact real barracudas. Palin admits to having smoked pot, which seems to be a requirement for presidential candidates of late. Good to know that the potential leader of the free world has a deputy who spent her youth parading in swimsuits, killing moose and getting chonged off her tits. It almost makes her human, but not quite, it's like these foibles have been generated by a random humaniser program.
From what I can tell she certainly don't like them animals. She pushed for people to be able to hunt wolves from helicopters, which I find both baffling and objectionable. It was apparently to control the wolf population and protect the moose. Protect the moose so that people could hunt them, you understand. It seems that the natural predation of the moose involving wolves with teeth and claws and men with guns was not as fair a contest as she'd hoped, so it's up with the armed chopper pilots to decimate the wolf population and leave those defenceless gunmen free to slaughter as many moose as possible.
Polar bears are also troublesome to Palin. It appears that the selfish little bastards make their habitat in what would otherside be perfectly good gas pumping country. Frustrating do-gooders had somehow managed to place them on the endangered species list, what with them being endangered and all, and this upset Sarah Palin greatly. She was so upset she tried to sue the US goverment for doing such a hasty thing, arguing that polar bears loved living alongside the majestic oil platform, because it reminded them of the sky scraping ice caps which she had melted with her laser vision only weeks before. Whales? Yes, she wants them dead too, they also get in the way of gas and oil development.
Her official website bio claims that Alaskan nature is one of her interests, certainly true! She spends every waking moment trying to wipe it off the face of the earth, encouraging commerical expansion on protected land, and ensuring that the menace of wolves, moose, polar bears and beluga whales were eradicated, to save the Alaskan people from co-ordinated attacks by these numerous and vicious creatures.
Her opposite number Joe Biden looks like Gandhi in comparison. His childrens' names are Joseph, Robert, Amy and Ashley - pretty normal. You don't get the feeling that those names are actually acryonyms devised by United Robitics. He pretty much wins on the 'good kid' ticket - while Bristol Palin is attending ante-natal classes whilst also shopping for wedding dresses his son Beau is being shipped out to Iraq as part of the National Guard.
Biden's personal dislikes are not endangered animals or equality but violence against women and denial of educational progression to poor children. Biden for the win then, it seems.
My phone will not ring
I called communications
No-one will fix it
Sarah Palin has given her big speech and I just wanted to document how frightened I am of her. If the Republicans wanted to counter the feelgood-green-hope message of Obama's camp then they've certainly done it with this terrifying vicious nutjob who makes me want to actually abandon all hope and pack up for a new life on one of Jupiter's more hostile moons.
Her website paints her as some kind of cyborg, armed to the teeth and married to a dog sledder. It has a great stand-alone sentence in her bio "She also runs marathons". It sounds like a vague threat - if you run from Palin you're going to have to make it for 26 miles at least before she leaps onto your back and rips your throat out with her teeth. She's a 'lifetime' member of the NRA, in case there was any suggestion that anything other than the cold embrace of the grave would remove the firearm from her holster.
Her children's names are even slightly nuts, they sound like they've been named after huskies - Track, Trig, Bristol, Piper and Willow. Someone should tell her that Bristol is English slang for tit. Bristol is the one that's been knocked up outside of Mrs Palin's beloved Christian wedlock. She was quick enough to parade the poor girl and her doomed boyfriend in front of the press and announce that they will be getting married immediately - don't forget son, mom's got an NRA membership, so the shotgun wedding won't just be a figure of speech.
She merrily accepts the nickname Sarah Barracuda. In case you didn't know, the barracuda's chief characteristics are powerful jaws (check, she looks like the lovechild of Bruce Campbell and a bear trap), and a voracious killer instinct (check, just look at those cold dead eyes and you can see that if you were stranded in the icy wilderness of Alaska she wouldn't wait til you were dead before cooking your carcass for sustenance). She is a former beauty queen, apparently named Miss Congeniality but to believe that you would have to conclude that the other competitors were in fact real barracudas. Palin admits to having smoked pot, which seems to be a requirement for presidential candidates of late. Good to know that the potential leader of the free world has a deputy who spent her youth parading in swimsuits, killing moose and getting chonged off her tits. It almost makes her human, but not quite, it's like these foibles have been generated by a random humaniser program.
From what I can tell she certainly don't like them animals. She pushed for people to be able to hunt wolves from helicopters, which I find both baffling and objectionable. It was apparently to control the wolf population and protect the moose. Protect the moose so that people could hunt them, you understand. It seems that the natural predation of the moose involving wolves with teeth and claws and men with guns was not as fair a contest as she'd hoped, so it's up with the armed chopper pilots to decimate the wolf population and leave those defenceless gunmen free to slaughter as many moose as possible.
Polar bears are also troublesome to Palin. It appears that the selfish little bastards make their habitat in what would otherside be perfectly good gas pumping country. Frustrating do-gooders had somehow managed to place them on the endangered species list, what with them being endangered and all, and this upset Sarah Palin greatly. She was so upset she tried to sue the US goverment for doing such a hasty thing, arguing that polar bears loved living alongside the majestic oil platform, because it reminded them of the sky scraping ice caps which she had melted with her laser vision only weeks before. Whales? Yes, she wants them dead too, they also get in the way of gas and oil development.
Her official website bio claims that Alaskan nature is one of her interests, certainly true! She spends every waking moment trying to wipe it off the face of the earth, encouraging commerical expansion on protected land, and ensuring that the menace of wolves, moose, polar bears and beluga whales were eradicated, to save the Alaskan people from co-ordinated attacks by these numerous and vicious creatures.
Her opposite number Joe Biden looks like Gandhi in comparison. His childrens' names are Joseph, Robert, Amy and Ashley - pretty normal. You don't get the feeling that those names are actually acryonyms devised by United Robitics. He pretty much wins on the 'good kid' ticket - while Bristol Palin is attending ante-natal classes whilst also shopping for wedding dresses his son Beau is being shipped out to Iraq as part of the National Guard.
Biden's personal dislikes are not endangered animals or equality but violence against women and denial of educational progression to poor children. Biden for the win then, it seems.